The Scotsman Song

words and music by Mike Cross

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize

The Scotsman Song Lyrics and also a free mp3 of it are available.

Lord of the Rings MP3

I write a lot of articles online. Honestly, it's hard to keep track of them all. I was doing a search for "Lord of the Rings MP3" because a few years ago we released a CD of Lord of the Rings inspired music, called Memories of Middle Earth. It's of course a tribute to the Lord of the Rings books since most of it was written before the movies even came out.

In fact, one of the songs, Tolkien (The Hobbit & Lord of the Rings) was one of the first instrumentals Andrew and I wrote together. It was also THE most-popular World/Folk song on MP3.com. It's had over 2,000,000 MP3s downloaded since it was released in the Fall of 2000.

Well, I was looking at my article One Ring to Find Them about Lord of the Rings MP3 downloads and realized that article is way out of date.

Course, going back through the Tolkien Music List is not my first idea of fun. I'd rather just point people to bands like Glass Hammer, David Arkenstone, and of course, my band, the Brobdingnagian Bards for you to pick the style of Lord of the Rings music you prefer.

Oh and let's not forget the Lord of the Rings soundtrack.

Free Irish Music Downloads

I keep forgetting to mention that I setup a new website for Free Irish Music Downloads. This is the new home that was once just Celtic MP3s from the Celtic MP3s Music Magazine. No longer.

This is gonna be the home of all the best free music downloads of Irish/Celtic music. Celtic music fans will be really happy methinks.

Hopefully, in the very near future, I will get some bigger names on the site as well. The page focuses mostly on independent Celtic music, but the bigger names attract a wider variety of Celtic music fans.

If you're not familiar with the Celtic MP3s Music Magazine, here are some facts from the website homepage.

The Celtic MP3s Music Magazines began as a newsletter linked mainly to MP3.com. It was a way to promote my band's (the Brobdingnagian Bards) unique brand of Celtic folk music. Then, something amazing happened. I heard some of the best Celtic music I'd ever heard. And it was unaffiliated with any record label. From that point on I decided to help these great Celtic music groups find an audience.

Since then, I have featured CDs and MP3s from bands like Enya, Black 47, Natalie MacMaster, Silly Wizard, The Chieftains, Brobdingnagian Bards, Altan, Loreena McKennit, Clannad, The Dubliners, Lunasa, The Corries, Solas, U2, Planxty, The Clancy Brothers, Afro Celt Sound System, Capercaillie, Ewan MacColl, The Corrs, Irish Rovers, Seven Nations, Tannahill Weavers, and many more.

But the vast majority of what you download is Independent Celtic music from traditional Irish music and tunes, Scottish folk songs, Celtic rock, and a tiny bit of Celtic New Age music. However, the ezine leans more towards the traditional Scottish/Irish folk music that I love.

And let's not forget a couple testimonies from adoring fans of the newsletter:

"I just wanted to say thanks for Celtic MP3 Music Magazine. I'm very happy with the songs I've downloaded so far - in fact I'm thrilled that most of them have been of such high calibre! Some really great songs and artists! And in case you're wondering if it's having much effect on CD sales, I can tell you I've already bought 2 CDs based on the music I've heard through your magazine. Thanks again, and please keep up the good work!"
— Mike Disbrow, Michigan

All in all, I have a good 6,000 subscribers who LOVE the magazine with a passion. Subscribe and see what you think!


NEW: Irish Songs

Autoharps and Autoharp Radio

I'm getting ready to sell a few of my autoharps. Yes, I said a few autoharps. I have, what eight now... I lost count. I don't really play them all you see. Pretty much I just pick one or two at a time and then play my wee heart out.

I started playing autoharp in 1997. My rock band was breaking up and I wanted to learn to write songs with a decent melody. I just wasn't doing that with rock music. So I turned to folk. A couple years later, I started the Brobdingnagian Bards with Andrew. We started playing Irish folk songs like Gypsy Rover and other songs.

Any case, my autoharping developed quite nicely. I never heard another autoharper until I got on MP3.com. So I created my own unique style of playing the autoharp.

Sometime in 2001, I started my Autoharp Music Tips website. I found other autoharpists interested in promoting their music so I did what I could for them as well. Eventually, I created an Autoharp Radio station on MP3.com. When that site finally died, I moved Autoharp Radio to Live 365. It's been there ever since.

The station is highly rated and gets over 800 people listening every month. I'm happy to say that it's drawn a decent number of music lovers into the autoharp fold. And for that reason, I'm happy I keep the station alive.

Star Wars Sexually Slanted Lines from The Trilogy

TOP SEXUALLY SLANTED LINES FROM THE STAR WARS TRILOGY

From Star Wars:
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

From The Empire Strikes Back:
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
7. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cumm..."
6. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
5. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
4. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
3. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
2. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
1. "Control, control! You must learn control!"

From Return of the Jedi:
13. C3PO: "What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work."
12. Han: "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
11. Emperor: "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."
10. Leia: "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?"
9. C3PO: "I never knew I had it in me."
8. Lando: "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."
7. Luke: "There is good in him, I've felt it."
6. C3PO: "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit."
5. Jerjerrod: "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can."
Darth: "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them."
4. Han: "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!"
Lando: "A little higher, just a little higher."
3. Han: "Short help's better than no help at all."
2. Han: "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
1. Han: "Back door, huh? Good idea!"

Top Celtic Music Stars Perfectly Tuned for Corporate Sponsorship

Recently, I was asked by one of a writer of mine in the Celtic MP3s Music Magazine who I would pick for the Top rising music stars who would be perfect for gaining Corporate Sponsorship.

It's never an easy question for me to pick great bands.. I thought about it for a bit and listed a few of favorite Celtic and one non-Celtic bands and included the reason why I think they're well-positioned for just that.

Heather Dale. Very Loreena McKennitt, but I like Heather's music better and it is thematic too, Arthurian-based.

Pasiley Close. They're a Celtic band out of Houston. The music is contemporary folk rock. They've done the traditional Celtic
sound, they've done the modern. Though the incarnation is new, the band has been around for a long time. Great vocals and potential for crossing musical boundaries.

Rise. Very innovative band. I'd be surprised if they don't have corporate sponsorship. They are out of Scotland. I don't think they really tour, so that's the downside. Except they come to the US touring radio stations promoting their albums.

The Light Spirts. What do you get when you have a Scotsman, an Irishman, an Australian and an Italian together playing traditional Irish music? No. It's no joke. It's a band I met in Italy. They're currently recording their first CD, but the group is amazing. Huge potential. I look forward to seeing where they'll go next.

Emerald Rose. American Celtic Folk Rock. They have a bit of a Pagan slant, which might be a downside to the Christian majority, but great fun, danceable music. With a wee bit of adjustment to their marketing they could go very far.

That about sums up the Celtic bands I can think of offhand. The last group is

Voltaire. Ironic Goth music. He has a huge following and lots of commercial potential in the goth music scene. Great storyteller. His music and other items are currently being distributed through Hot Topic.

I'm sure there are a LOT of others, but there are the ones that I am seeing making a big impact or having the a great potential for making an impact.


DOH! Silly me. I have to mention two other great bands. Yes, I am in them both, but there is good reason why I think we fit too.

Brobdingnagian Bards. The MP3 Godfathers online. Our music is more folk in style, which is not generally great for corporate sponsorship, but we dominate the Celtic MP3 industry and through aggressive guerrilla marketing, find new ways to break through the clutter. Also, our song selection is not strictly Celtic so we attract a variety of music-style lovers.

The Dubliners' Tabby Cats. The "band" itself is pretty much me, but it's the song selection that is already making a huge impact. Cat lovers are very passionate about their cats. My group plays cat songs with an Irish music slant. Huge potential for corporate sponsorship from cat corporations.

Top 10 Texas Music Websites

I have quite a few websites. One is the Texas Musicians Network. Here is a list of the top 10 websites linking to the TMN:

1. Houston Bands.net
2. FemMuse: Female Artist Network
3. Shredmistress Rynata - female guitarist
4. The Rhythm Dawgs
5. Arson, Inc.
6. Indie Concerts
7. In the Jars Studio Recording & Live Sound
8. Erin Jaimes (& Her Bad Habits), check out Erin Jaimes CD
9. Official Cave Man Dave
10. Mystery Ridge - oldtime bluegrass music

Kinda sad that my bands were not top referrers. I need to change that.

Most-Popular Irish Song Lyrics for April 2005

I was just curious which were the Irish songs that people are searching for the most on my Irish Song Lyrics website. So I checked the stats. Here they are:

1. When Irish Eyes Are Smiling
2. Finnegan's Wake
3. Danny Boy
4. The Drunken Scotsman
5. An Irish Lullaby
7. Whiskey in the Jar
8. Drunken Sailor
9. Lord of the Dance
10. Wild Rover

Convert Your Band's CD into MP3s

Are you a musician?
Don't know how to make MP3s?
Would you like someone to do it for you?

It's fact of life. Many Celtic and folk musicians are not very internet savvy. Yet you are anxious to promote yourself online. You would LOVE to submit your band for a Celtic MP3 feature, but don't have MP3s to do it.

Well, I'm here to help.

I would love to take every CD someone mails to me and make MP3s for you, but I don't have that much time. So instead, I decided to offer this service to bands in need.

You send me your CD. I will

• convert all the tracks to MP3s,
• add those essential ID3 tags, and then,
• give you a URL to download the MP3s, OR for a small additional fee, I will burn the MP3s to CD and mail it back to you.

All this I will do for $15 per CD. This low price will only last for a limited time because I still need to find out if this low price is even worth my time!

So if you want to join the MP3 revolution and increase your CD sales in the process, then contact me today!

Taken from Celtic Music Magazine's Convert Your Band's CD into MP3s request.

You can also learn how Convert Your CD into MP3s yourself from Garageband, or from MP3DownloadHQ.

Interested in Getting Started Listening to Celtic Music

Hi Marc, my name is Colin. I'm 18 and I live in New Jersey. Lately, I have become more interested in my Irish roots, specifically Irish traditional music. Unfortunately, I know almost nothing about the genre; I'm sure there are many different types of Celtic music. I was wondering if you could suggest some artists, cds or specific songs to help me break into the scene and get a feel for Irish music. The music I listen to is generally rock music--classic rock, modern rock, alternative, metal and especially punk music. So I am really looking for some energetic, upbeat instrumental stuff. I was specifically inspired to pursue this by music from the film "Waking Ned Divine," which I saw recently. I understand that you are probably very busy, so any recommendations you could give me would be very much appreciated. Thanks a lot!

Hey Colin,
Glad to hear your interest in Irish traditional music. There is a plethora of great music out there, so a lot depends on your preference. If you haven't been there yet, head over to my Celtic Music Magazine and subscribe to my newsletter. Every week I feature a couple of great independent Celtic artists. Good way to find out what's new and what you like.

Now in traditional Irish music there are basically two main types of music songs and tunes. Tunes are the instrumental reels and jigs that often kick. Songs are the folk songs of the Celtic nations.

In the song category:

My band, the Brobdingnagian Bards, have a CD called "Songs of Ireland" that is a great introduction to traditional Irish as well as Irish American songs. It's a great primer and actually goes over well with a lot of folks with your musical background. Our style is more fun Irish Drinking Songs style. The type you'd hear on St. Patrick's Day.

3 Pints Gone is a brilliant group out of Wisconsin who play traditional Irish and Scottish songs with a little bit of a kick.

Sarah Dinan has a great CD with traditional Irish songs and a more contemporary style.

For the tune category, I'd suggest

Cluan, they have some fantastic fiddle playing as well as some beautiful songs.

Cady Finlayson is a brilliant fiddler from New York. She's very active and a great intro to trad fiddle music.

Heidi, Stef, and Bow Triplets are an amazing traditional Irish band from Switzerland. They were hugely popular on MP3.com a few years back.


Course as I said, I prefer mostly independent Celtic music, but if you're looking for some signed acts check out some of my Celtic music reviews. There, you'll find groups like The Chieftains, The Dubliners, The Clancy Brothers, Altan (a great trad Irish band), Silly Wizard, Lunasa, Planxty, Solas.

For the best traditional music, you might talk to Michelle Osborne, she does my trad music reviews of Irish traditional music. She's an encyclopedia of trad music.


Now on the other side, there are alternate styles of Celtic music that fuse other influences. For instance, Celtic Rock. Bands like Black 47, Emerald Rose, Enter the Haggis, The Elders, Amadan, Tears for Beers. You can listen to a number of these bands on one of my compilation CDs designed to introduce people to Celtic music. Both are well-worth the small price tag: The Secret World of Celtic Rock and Coventina's Well

Any case, I hope that helps a wee bit at getting you started. Best o'luck. Slainte! (that's Irish meaning "Here's to your health! or Cheers!)

Red Dwarf T-Shirt

Yes, I am a psycho fan for Red Dwarf. And Cafepress is too cool a website online for making your favorite Red Dwarf fan T-shirt come true.

   Buy your own Give Quiche A Chance T-Shirt!

If you're not familiar with Red Dwarf, the slogan comes from Season 3, Episode 3 of Red Dwarf in a show called "Polymorph". This is one of my all-time favorite episodes. In it, a creature gets on board Red Dwarf that can polymorph into any creature. It's ultimate goal is to suck out the emotions of the creatures it meets. The creature steals Lister's fear, Kryten's guilt, Cat's vanity, and Rimmer loses his anger.

The result? Rimmer is wearing a T-Shirt that reads "Give Quiche A Chance" and is talking about starting a flyer campaign against the creature.

Rimmer: Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is "What are we going to call ourselves?" erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between 'The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is 'The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Erm, one drawback with that -- the abbreviation is `CLITORIS'.

Oh HEY! If you do love Red Dwarf, also check out my Red Dwarf song called "The Mining Ship the Red Dwarf" which will be available on my Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers CD in October.

Red Dwarf Backmasking

lol. Just got done listening to Daily Sonic Podcast. They're featuring "backmasking" which is hiding messages in reverse on recorded items.

The coolest example I read there was:

"In Red Dwarf series 3, episode 1, the Red Dwarf crew travel to a universe where time runs backwards. One of the men in the pub insults the characters, who try to discover what he is actually saying. When the speech is translated it says "You are a stupid, square-headed, bald git aren't you? I'm pointing to you. But I'm not actually addressing you. I'm addressing the one prat in the country who's bothered to get hold of this recording, turn it round and actually work out the rubbish that I'm saying. What a poor, sad life he's got." The UK DVD of this series includes an option to play the entire episode backwards, so all of the reversed speech can be heard.

Too damned cool. Now I gotta watch that show in reverse... what a poor, sad, Dwarfer I am. *sigh* But then, it's Red Dwarf!!!!
;)

PS. This is such a great season. It also inspired my Red Dwarf T-Shirts.

Moloney, O'Connell & Keane Music CD Review

Artist: Moloney, O'Connell & Keane
Album: Kilkelly
Year produced: 1988

The main reason to seek out this recording from the short-lived trio of Mick Moloney, Robbie O'Connell and Jimmy Keane is the title song. Written by Peter Jones, it follows a series of letters from a father in Eire and his son in America. The father's struggle to survive in the midst of famine and poverty are truly heartbreaking, and the distance (both geographic and emotional) between parent and child results in a shattering climax. This is easily one of the most compelling compositions in modern Celtic music, and it is impossible not to come away from it without sore tear ducts.

Beyond "Kilkelly," however, is a fairly strange and often lopsided recording. Another song, "Peter Pan and Me," details the loss of innocence during the seemingly endless troubles, but unlike "Kilkelly" it comes across as trite and mechanical rather. Two straightforward instrumentals, combining reels and jigs, are okay but not particularly memorable.

But then there is the epic offering called "The Green Fields of America." Billed as an "operetta," this lengthy but excessively weird piece attempts to trace the experience of the Irish in America through various reels, dances, jigs, folk songs and ditties. It is not so much an operetta as it is a musical Mulligan's stew tossing in bits and pieces of "The Sailor's Hornpipe," "No Irish Need Apply," "The Night That Paddy Murphy Died" and even "The Notre Dame Fight Song" plus the Bing Crosby novelty tune "Two Shillelagh O'Sullivan." It is a mess, to be certain, and often it seems as if the Irish-American odyssey was a mix of treacly melodrama and bad vaudeville.

Moloney, O'Connell & Keane only recorded another album before disbanding. It would seem the brilliance of "Kilkelly" was something of a fluke, albeit an extraordinary fluke.


   Buy the Album: Kilkelly

---

Celtic MP3s Music Magazine writer, Phil Hall is contributing editor for Film Threat, book editor for the New York Resident, author of "The Encyclopedia of Underground Movies" (MWP Books) and a proud child of Wales.

Free Music Downloads, My Ass! Don't Bother Reading This

I wonder if I could be a little less long-winded about free music downloads here than I was in my last journal entry about Irish Song Lyrics & Free Music Downloads.

Okay, quick break. Ye know what irritates me? People calling to sell some loser service for my "website". Which friggin' website are you talking about? And don't you friggin know I'm on the Don't Call List? Bastards! Well, that's what I get for answering an unlisted number.

Where was I? Ah MP3s for Free. Now that friggin phone call kinda threw me off. Have no interest in talking about my band's free music downloads of Scottish Irish MP3s or the free music downloads by Celtic music groups. So I guess I'll cut this shit short.

Nevermind!

Van Morrison and The Chieftains Music CD Review

by Phil Hall

Artist: Van Morrison and the Chieftains
Album: "Irish Heartbeat"
Year produced: 1988

The Chieftains have collaborated musically with a wide spectrum of creative artists, ranging from James Galway to the Rolling Stones. But perhaps their finest pairing came when Van Morrison joined them for the 1988 album "Irish Heartbeat," which is my choice for the very best of the Chieftains' canon.

"Irish Heartbeat" consists of 10 songs, eight of them traditional Irish melodies which are performed with such depth and vibrancy that it is easy to assume they are all brand new. Morrison was in playful vocal form, sowing musical wild oats with the opening "Star of the County Down" and the raucous reel "I'll Tell Me Ma." The Chieftains' main vocalist Kevin Conneff does a grand vocal duel with Morrison on "Ta Mo Chleamhnas Deanta (My Match It Is Made"), with Morrison taking the English lyrics while Conneff keeps the Irish lyrics in play.

The emotionalism of Irish folk music is heard with uncommonly graceful renditions of Carrickfergus" and "She Moved Through the Fair." Morrison's decidedly mature and raw voice gives these renditions a tinge of time-weathered poignancy and rue which is frequently absent when the songs are performed by singers of a younger and finely-trained voice.

The two new songs created for the recording, "Irish Heartbeat" and "Celtic Ray," are pleasant if not particularly stirring. But their inadequacies are easy to overlook, especially with the closing polka "Marie's Wedding," a sweeping and jolly swish of matrimonial celebration (and listen carefully for the lush back-up vocals from Mary Black, Maura O'Connell and June Boyce).


   Buy the Album: "Irish Heartbeat"

---

Celtic MP3s Music Magazine writer, Phil Hall is contributing editor for Film Threat, book editor for the New York Resident, author of "The Encyclopedia of Underground Movies" (MWP Books) and a proud child of Wales.

Texas Science Fiction Conventions

My Celtic and Filk music group, the Brobdingnagian Bards perform at quite a few Fantasy and Sci Fi Conventions around the nation Being from Texas, I compiled a nice list of Texas Sci Fi Conventions. If you see one missing, please tell me.


February

Dallas Comic Con
Richardson, Texas

ConDFW 4
Richardson, TX


April

AggieCon 35
Memorial Student Center, Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas


May

Sci Fi Expo
Richardson, Texas


June

A-Kon
DFW, TX

Roc*Kon XXVII
Little Rock, AR


June

ApolloCon
Houston, TX


August

ArmadilloCon 26
Austin, TX

Realms Con
Corpus Christi, TX


September

FenCon
Dallas, TX

Archon 28
St Louis, MO


October

Dallas Comic Con
Plano, Texas

Linucon
Austin, TX


November

Panda*monium
Norman, OK

ItzaCon
DFW, TX

MP3 Free Downloads

Over 15,000 mp3 free music download fans can't be wrong!

That's right. I finally sent out my latest edition of the Free Music Downloads Ezine and got a ripping response. Glad to hear people are enjoying the ezine.

""I just wanted to say thanks for Free Music Downloads Ezine. I'm very happy with the songs I've downloaded so far - in fact I'm thrilled that most of them have been of such high calibre! Some really great songs and artists! And in case you're wondering if it's having much effect on CD sales, I can tell you I've already bought 2 CDs based on the music I've heard through your magazine. Thanks again, and please keep up the good work!"
— Mike McKee, Michigan

Course, if you just want to go straight to free mp3 fun, check out my Free Music Downloads Blog. I'm half thinking I should start MP3 Free Music Podcast, but then there seem to be plenty out there already.

Meantime, stay tuned to the next MP3 Free Music Downloads ezine next month!